I grew up not watching TV or playing video games. And always kind of attributed a multidimensional life to that (one career by day, one by night, musician in bands, and so on).
There was a horrible superiority to it.
The past two or three years I’ve shed that superiority. And played my fair share of League of Legends, Mobile Legends, Riot’s TFT, and not much else. The MOBA appeals to me because of team, predictable challenges, specializing in roles, and probably the basic dopamine psychology of a “match” and wanting to win the next one right after the last is complete.
So I had to give up video games again. It’s not something I can do in moderation. Why? Because even though I get my work done and hang out with my family, my first choice in downtime was always a game—my reading list kept going unread, I didn’t learn the music theory I wanted to, I didn’t do the workouts I wanted to, and I didn’t pick up the new things like gardening my own herbs, honing my disc golf skills, and so on.
I’m grateful for some evolution over the last couple years. Grateful at relaxing the drive for success enough to experience life and in some ways experience the 17-24 year old period I never had. I’ve had more fun in all kinds of ways than I’d ever dreamed of…
But now I want to make some of the same choices for different reasons. Not out of self-depriving, nose-to-the-grind, the goal at all costs, and other guilt-driven motivators. Now out of wellbeing, increasing my capacity for joy, and choosing to build up serotonin rather than dopamine.
Glad to be plowing through my reading list again.
My Mom was right.
It’s better to be a creator than a consumer. It’s better to live my own story than to play hero in someone else’s.